Releasing Disharmony in Love
By Shamika Sonia
What happens when Black women harm other Black women? A friend shared this question with me, and it honestly triggered a little anxiety and a lot of self-reflection. I was challenged to consider instances where I may have fallen short in my choices when interacting with other Black women, or anyone for that matter – at work, in friendships, with family, or in love.
I’ve struggled to build and maintain healthy interpersonal relationships; it’s often been rooted in shame of not always knowing, understanding, or meeting the expectations of others within my various spheres of influence, all while learning myself, my boundaries and my own expectations.
In attempting to make sense of the impact of harm while navigating various relationships and possible steps taken to avoid or repair harm, the question evolved to: what does freedom look like for me? And, how does one find the courage to express their truth in love when met with resistance or perspectives that challenge us to grow and evolve? Centering my healing and the oneness we share as spirit beings having a human experience, I then realized this truth: I am responsible for my healing and liberation.
Having experienced my fair share of harm, from feelings of inferiority to disappointment in someone’s authentic response to my truth, we are always left with a choice of how to respond to a perceived threat or instance of harm. It’s not always an easy choice, but I’ve grown to practice trusting my intuition and listening for what the discomfort is communicating. It helps when I ask myself, where is the opportunity for growth, healing, or transformation and then release what is not meant for me to carry.
As an empath, I used to run from feeling all the sensations that accompany my human experience. Now, I embrace it and all of the wisdom swimming there beneath the surface of the discomfort. The uncomfortable body sensations that crave release are now opportunities to get curious about my pain and remain open to the lessons meant for my ultimate good.
I found freedom in the courage to be authentic while holding space and having confidence in other’s ability to do the same, regardless of their role in the perceived offense.
Sometimes, when others fall short of our expectations, we can make assumptions to make sense of our pain and unintentionally create our suffering by allowing those unverified assumptions to ring true. Rather than respond to pain in fear, let’s choose courage. Let’s communicate our truths, gain clarity, take up space, and make the best decision for our overall well-being with honesty. All interpersonal relationships are not created equal, and if we find relational misalignment after gaining clarity, it is possible to release someone in love. Still, it also requires the courage to be disliked or misunderstood. (Read the rest on our blog Triadvoicemag.com)
