Shameless Living

By Helen Hargrove (The Light Coach)

We’ve all made mistakes in life. Whether big or small, we often find ourselves stuck carrying shame for said mistakes. When we trip up, we as humans tend to get caught up in our perceived failures, which causes us to take on shame. Not only do we take on shame for our errors, but oftentimes we allow others to shame us for their perception of our mistakes. Shame can be defined as a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. 

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been there, done that, and now OWN the t-shirt shop. Yes, the whole shop. Lol, yep, you read that correctly; your girl has definitely lived a little and made a plethora of mistakes. Still, I’ll never forget the day I was set free. Not just from my mistakes but the shame I put on myself daily. Before I tell you what freed me, I’ll add that there’s a magic that happens within beauty salon conversations. What I perceived to be a simple conversation with a friend revealed the answer I didn’t know I needed. A wise woman said to me, “You can’t shame a woman who is unashamed.” Blink. Such a simple statement was so freeing. It helped me to realize that if I stopped being ashamed of the mistakes that ultimately made me who I am, no one else would be able to use those mistakes against me.

Let me make it more relatable. The only reason people are allowed to shame you for your mistakes is because you have yet to shift into being unashamed. To move into the realm of being shameless, you have to OWN your mistakes. Life happened. You made a mistake; hopefully, you learned from it, and now you’re moving on. I know it’s easier said than done, but let’s tap into it. 

In this long, eventful life, I have learned that your authenticity is what helps you become shameless. Once you accept and love yourself, you let go of shame. Once you shift into being you unapologetically, embarrassment has no place left to live. I mean, think about it…How much more could you accomplish if you accepted yourself and stopped worrying about what others think? What if you intentionally put down the shame you carry? Surely, you’ve heard the saying, “what other people think of you is none of your business.” If not, write it down and post it somewhere you can see it daily. 

Shame also dies when you share your story in safe places. A place that reaffirms your feelings but also supports you in growing from your mistakes. If only you would tell your story and stop allowing others to tell it for you. That’s what authenticity is about, right? Being human, making mistakes, and living your best life for YOU. Being true to who you are or your values regardless of the pressure you’re under to act otherwise.  

By being your authentic self, you make room for shameless living. You make room for the good things to flow into and through you. 

Here are a few tips to help you shift into shameless living:

  1. Own your story and your mistakes – Don’t let anyone tell it for you. Stand confident in the fact that your mistakes only help you to become your best self. 
  2. Show up each day as yourself (Be authentic) – Don’t attempt to be anyone else. Your uniqueness makes you, you. Trying to be anyone other than yourself causes you to miss what is for you, and that’s not an option.
  3. Actively decide to put down shame each day. 

Friend, if I’m honest, shameless living is a choice you make daily. Each day you have to be determined to be unashamed. You have to decide that you’ll be you no matter what. You have to choose to tell your story. You get to change your narrative, and I’m here for it. I’m rooting for you every day! 

Let’s chat soon!

The Light Coach 


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